I decided to monitor my moods and feelings from day to day, before going to the doctor.
I woke up this morning with a complete sense of dread. I didn't want a new day to start... I could easily have stayed in bed all day. I think I gained like 5 more pounds overnight.
I texted Jason asking him about last night--he was supposed to call but never did. He replied telling me he loves me, but it only made me cry. He is the only positive thing I have in my world. If I lose him, I will have nothing. I will be nothing.
Currently I can't think of any reason to be happy.
Today's Corrie's 18th birthday. We'll be hanging out after work. I guess I'll have to fake some kind of happiness... I don't want to be a complete douche bag.
If I tell my family, Kevin will think I am an attention whore, and the first thing mom and dad will say is, "not again." ... I can't tell anyone.
I am 18 years old, responsible, and financially independent. Yeah I've screwed up and paid the price for it, but for fuck's sake, my parents don't even know how I've screwed up. I have made so many good decisions... But they won't even give me a chance.
They can't keep me here. I am an adult and capable of making my own decisions. "You're not leaving home until you're 20!" WHAT THE HELL, MOM. Try and keep me here. I'm on my own for college anyway; what makes you think you have any control over where I go? I was hoping to have some of your support, but if you aren't going to give it to me then FUCK IT. I don't need you. I WILL make it on my own.
I am going to MTSU, and if they kick me out of the house during the holidays, I'll stay with Jason. I don't need them. I don't want to lose them, but I don't need them.
Life has been pretty good, I guess. I kind of feel like I'm going to throw up and I got hit on the head with an anvil, I have to leave for work in 15 minutes, and I'm taking the ACT tomorrow, but life is good.... lol.
Things with Jason are better than ever. He has been so incredibly sweet lately... This is the first time we've ever actually been kind of mushy lol. :) I'm extremely happy.
Alas, time for work. At least I'll have all the caffeine I need.
I know last week I said I really didn't want to go to work, but man, today I'd probably pay someone to work for me.
I feel like SHIT.
We didn't too many people last night though, so it wasn't terrible. I decided also that I like working with Kevin better than working with Justin just because he's faster and stuff. We also get along a lot better since he moved out, haha.
Work was insane. Before he left for DC, Kevin said something like, "Wouldn't it suck if the weekend I leave you guys do like, 100 people?"
We did 122 fucking people. The most I've ever had to deal with was ninety. I didn't clock out until 2 fucking thirty in the damn morning.
Let me just say that "fuck" became a very significant part of my vocabulary during that time.
Basically, I busted my ass all night. Fun stuff, I know. For a while I was really pissed off. Everyone kept asking me if I was going to drink when I got off work, and Justin would butt in and say, "No! She can't drink! I have to take her home--I'm responsible for her, and I can't take her home smelling like beer!" I didn't say anything since arguing never gets you free beer, but whatever.
So later on, Anita started bringing me drinks while I was still working. She was like, "Shhhh, I brought you something, but don't let the Chocolate Chip see!" I'm not even entirely sure what I drank, but I was erm.. buzzed, to put it lightly, and it was only around 11... (Hehe). It was my first time ever drinking on the job! :O
Since we were literally slammed all night, I had to run glasses almost every twenty minutes. And every time I'd go out on the bar, there was this creepy old guy sitting there, and he would stare at me the entire time I was putting glasses away. So creepy. Then he finally caved in and was like, "So do you date older men or what?" EW.
By the time I finally clocked out (God I was SO tired), the new waitstaff, Aaron and Natalie were still there. Justin said they were going to hang around so that they could talk to me. Aaron's a freaking weirdo. They call him the "hot marine" but I personally don't find him attractive at all. He has the weird creepy way about him. I don't know. He's nice though... Natalie's cool; I really like her. She's not the brightest crayon in the box though, and definitely gives the impression of being a druggie...
We finally got to sit at the bar. I never wanted to get up again. Then Justin finally caved in; he said I worked really hard and deserved a beer, so I got two lemonades. :D More alcohol! After that we just talked until around 3:30, and Justice got me home by 4. I didn't even take a shower; I just collapsed into bed...
I have to be at work in less than two hours. I don't think there's ever been a day when I didn't want to go to work this bad. Seriously. But it's pretty and windy, so hopefully all the rich Farragut snobs will go out in their boats instead of coming to the restaurant. Right? Right. .... Last night was the Monday School Barn Dance; I went with Sarah. It was pretty tiny, not gonna lie. There were like 35 people, and most of them people I prefer not to associate with *coughHANNAHHOPKINScoughcough*... but it wasn't too bad. I saw David Lemelin and Andrew Overton for the first time in ages, so that was cool. I think. Haha, David randomly asked me if I wanted to see the movie 300. It pretty much freaked me out since I thought he was asking me out at first. That boy has no tact whatsoever.
Line dancing is kind of fun, actually. I dressed like a total reject for the thing--plaid shirt, wife beater, ripped jeans, hair in pigtails with gay ribbons... it was pretty awesome. It got so hot in the barn though. They should ventilate it better or something.
Sarah and I left the dance early because for one, it got kind of boring, and for another... we decided to go roll Leslie's house, hahaha. So we went and bought toilet paper at Food City and did an amazing job rolling, if I do say so myself. I don't know what it is, I just have such mad skills when it comes to throwing tp in trees... Then I did this awesome weaving job on her front porch. Needless to say, it rocked.
Went back to Sarah's and spent the night; it was pretty uneventful, but fun. We talked about boys and how retarded they are (what else? Haha). And finally went to sleep.
Now I'm faced with work, again. I really really really don't feel like going.